20 miles.

i ran 20 miles on saturday. yup, twenty. i imagined running from home town to my friend's hometown which is roughly twenty miles apart. that's insane.

there were a few weird things about this run. first, all twenty miles were ran in central park. that's unusual for long runs. second, i ran by myself. i haven't ran every single long mile by myself since i trained in 2005. it was a challenge, but at the same time, very enjoyable.

around mile 19, i was on the verge of tears because of the pain shooting through my left knee. it is not unusual for runners to experience knee pain. this pain wasn't different from any other pain i felt on my other long runs, but unlike other long runs, it was an obstacle that i had to mentally overcome. meaning this run was mentally challenging.

i started talking to myself starting at mile 16. underneath my breathe, i kept saying, "come on" or "you can do it." i did think about kavita, my honored teammate, and my mom. i also thought about all the donors and how they believed in me. it was refreshing to have a team of people to think about. my mind drifted back and forth to oct. 21, 2007, listening to the crowd cheer, seeing my family & friends, and crossing the finish line. i then thought about last year, october 21, 2006 and how i living at home, spending a weekend in vegas for SKP's bachelorette party. things have changed!

here are my stats:

first six miles (CP loop): 1:02
second six miles (CP loop): 1:03
first four miles (72-102 loop): 0:42
second four miles (72-102 loop): 0:50

total: 3:40

i came home, ate, and passed out.

My Honored Teammate: Archana

Part two of my installment of "My Honored Teammates" is a profile of Archana. Archana and I are from the same Indian community, just like Kavita and Priyanka, my other honored teammates. However, unlike the others, Archana and I met just recently in 2006. Very Generation 2.0, we did "meet" online in late 2005 through an online site our community youth created. We shared a common love for liberal politics, Anne of Green Gables, and compulsive writing. :)

With that simple introduction to a very amazing woman, here is my interview with Archana:

Chai (C): Tell me what you are studying.

Archana (A): I am about to finish my Master's of Public Administration, which is a combo of policy, government and public management.

C: You are an avid traveler. What is the coolest country you have been to? What made it interesting?

A: I actually think India wins the prize, more on a personal level than anything. I lived there for a year when I was very young, and almost my entire family lives there... the experience of visiting India doesn't quite compare to anything else.

C: I know you love some spicy food. What is your favorite spicy dish? What is your favorite hot sauce?

A: Ooooh, lamb vindaloo. I had an irrational fixation on it during chemo, and it still satisfies me to no end to be able to eat it again, especially when it's so spicy that it burns my throat. A close second is West Indian goat curry with scotch bonnett pepper sauce, it makes me cry every time, but it is oh-so-worth-it! My mama's hot sauce wins hands down. She makes it roughly once every 5 years, and I have never found anything I enjoy more in a hot sauce.

C: Damn, my mouth is watering and I don't eat meat! What is on your radar after your done attending school?

A: Hmm, still creating the dots on that radar. There will be playtime. There will also be hometime. And work abroad if my body is ready. Otherwise more international health work in Canada, US, Europe. After the cancer experience, it has been pretty hard to allow myself to plan ahead in any long-term sense, which is something I'm hoping to overcome eventually. But that has given me plenty of short-term goals! Let's just say I will explore my options.

C: Has cancer affected your ability to understand health care policy?

A: That's a really hard question. I actually try not to think of my own experiences too much at work, because each disease and country and demographic has its own requirements that I'm fearful I will overlook if I look too far inwards. I have focused on infectious diseases in my work, and it would probably be better if the cancer policy wogs focused on cancer. I'm also pretty weary of spending my life in the developed world trying to "fix" the developing world from my cushy lifestyle.

I have always travelled frequently and widely, and it has been a difficult adjustment to stay (relatively) grounded until my body has fully recuperated. But losing the luxury of travel, even temporarily, has given me a newfound goal to shy away from engaging in projects that are purely from the developed world cushy lifestyle and to focus more on front-line, pragmatic approaches that actually reflect patients' experiences in the developing world itself. Part of my antsiness to work abroad has been to prove to myself that the cancer is finally in the past (at least physically), but I am also more aware than ever of how crucial the experience is to my work.

C: Since most of the blog readers are living in the U.S., describe the health care system in Canada and if you felt you got the best care during your cancer treatments.

A: The Canadian system provides universal access to care, which is usually labelled as "free" but more accurately paid for by taxes. Ipersonally had amazing care mainly because my cancer was so far advanced. Canadian healthcare is superb for critical care; so even though the waittimes for a CT scan were 96 days at the time of my diagnosis, I only waited 2 days. I had an ultrasound, CT scan, biopsy surgery, bone marrow biopsy and my first chemo all within 3.5 weeks (and all for no fee). It was pretty impressive!

I was misdiagnosed for the first 2 months of chemo, which I suppose many would blame on the "free" system. But I attribute the misdiagnosis to human error, which would be equally possible in a private system. I also had daily self-injections that were not covered by public health care, and cost $50 a shot. I was fortunate enough to be able to receive the injections, but it was quite sad to see the importance of the injections in survival and also meet patients in the clinic who could not afford them.

I think the biggest hurdle to the level of care I received was actually because of how advanced the cancer was. Because I was already so sick when I entered the scene, my doctors were all far more concerned with my chemo regimen and seeing improvements as quickly as possible, but were much less concerned with managing my pain. Since they can trace symptoms of the cancer back to 2003, and since the chemo only added to the pain of my symptoms, the lack of pain management was easily the hardest part of my experience. I have not fully digested whether or not this is related to Canada having a public system

C: If you can name one person (and only one), who has been your role model in your life?

A: There are many individuals that inspire me, but I'd have to say the one I turn to with most consistency is my sister. Most people know she's the closest person to me, but I probably don't explain where my respect for her comes from as often as I should. For as long as I can remember, Ashita has been an over-achiever, constantly involved in activities, social circles, crafts, you name it. It is so infectious that I think for most people who know her, we can't imagine being any other way ourselves. I skipped a grade when I was quite young, and we have been in the same grade since. I think other people may have found that quite difficult and suffocating, but my sister has always been very loving and excelled in everything she has done, even with her baby sister all of a sudden around all the time. I have also always loved how my sister can be responsible and practical but also silly and goofy, and I find that I gravitate to individuals who have the same balance she has. Ashita is so incredibly good at reminding me that it is okay to react, to be angry, to feel sad, and also to be happy, to smile, and to love.

C: Aww. Ashita is a great role model. As a youngster, what did you want to be when you were a "grown up"?

A: (laughter) I think I wanted to pump gas at a gas station! I always loved their jumpsuits, and the satisfaction of squeegee-ing clean a windshield, and the smell of gas.

C: When you were going through chemo, what motivated you to stay strong through it all? Or do you even think you stayed strong?

A: During chemo itself, it wasn't at all about strength. It was about finding ways to pass the days, ignore the pain, and find even one reason a day to smile or laugh. It was mostly an out-of-body experience... my body fought the cancer and the chemicals while my mind watched helplessly.

I have felt considerably weaker since my treatment ended. Regaining my physical energy somehow unleashed an incredible amount of emotional weakness. But I suppose like the physical battle, we don't have much of a choice and someday it is just in our past and we are grateful for that.

C: You know I love books. And I know YOU love books. Who is your favorite author(s) and why?

A: I am a big fan of Chuck Palahniuk, mainly because he is so descriptive without being verbose. I despise flashy writing that uses too many metaphors, and he somehow conveys exactly what we need in half the number of words others seem to need. I am also a huge fan of Mitch Albom, who has yet to write a book that hasn't made me bawl uncontrollably.

C: Some of my teammates are cancer survivors. Do you think I can convince you one day to train and run in a marathon with me?

A: (smiling) Suuuuure. My endurance might take a few years to catch up to you though!

C: Free style.

A: Thank you for dedicating so much of yourself to this cause. I wish I could come cheer you on. There will definitely be a Canadian hootin and hollerin from the east coast on October 21.

C: Thanks, Archana!

The Hills...

are alive....with the sound of music (in mmmyyyyy head). Yesterday, I had to do hill repeats. For those familiar with Central Park, I ran from E. 72nd to 90th (roughly a mile) on an effort level 3.5 (on a scale of 1 to 5). This terrain is called "Cat's Hill" and it has both steep incline and steady incline on the way up. We had to use the same effort level and shave off 20 seconds on the way down. We did this routine twice.

First mile up: 8:30 minutes
First mile down: 8:22 minutes
Second mile up: 8:52 minutes
Second mile down: 8:30 minutes

After this routine, we had to run with all our might from E. 72nd to the top of the hill (around E.79th) and then recover on the way down. We did this twice w/o timing.

Two lessons I learned:

1) I am horrible at math. The main reason I didn't shave off twenty seconds on the way down the hill is because I thought 8:30-20 seconds= 8:20. I don't know why. I call it my "runner's brain," sometimes similar to a "chemo brain" as my cancer survivor teammates say.

2) I have the strangest songs pop into my head. At yesterday's training, I had the following song in my head.


The beast being the marathon, I presume. It was a helpful song.
And I crashed when I got home.

My Honored Teammate: Kavita

As the countdown begins, I am rolling out "My Honored Teammates" format, where I will interview all of honored teammates, even the ones that I just met a few weeks ago.

I've known Kavita practically all of my life. But you know with childhood friends, you never really know them until later. Maybe it has to do wtih the fact that you take them for granted. Or maybe you think they still see you as the bratty eight year-old. Whatever it is, childhood friendships are different. They are more deep and real than I think one could possibly imagine. I never thought that a friendship like the one I have with Kavita would take me down this route, but what an amazing route it has been.

In an awkward fashion for me, but a normal fashion for you, I interviewed Kavita. I want you to get to know one of my childhood friends and one of my biggest inspirations.

Chai: Tell me what you are studying.

Kavita: I am getting my Masters in Music at The Boston Conservatory for VocalPerformance.

C: What is the coolest venue you have ever sung? What made it so cool?

K: The coolest venue I've sung in is probably the Boston Symphony Hall - The hall is considered to be one of three greatest concert halls in the world. (and is one of the oldest in the u.s.). I sang with a women's choir a commercial piece for an animator whose shorthad won an award and was going to be premiered at Disney (I don't recall the actual logistics, but it was something like that.) The hall made me feel that I was a part of something very grand and historical. It was beautiful.

C: Have you always wanted to be a singer?


K: I wouldn't say that I've always "dreamed" of singing, but I always knew that music would be a significant part of my life no matter what instrument, what genre or in what way.


C: What is on your radar after your done attending school?

K: I am prepared to go wherever life takes me. That was one of the morals of my cancer story - you can never plan too far ahead. After I graduate, I plan to audition for local choirs, chorus positions in operas, paint more, write more and hopefully sell a couple cds. Who knows what's going to happen?


C: How has cancer affected your ability to sing or has it?

K: The doctors found 2 lumps; one in my neck and one in my lungs. Therefore I had radiation directly to my lungs, throat, and larynx. They said they didn't know what the consequences were going to be. I was prepared for the worst. When I went back to finish my undergrad degree, my lung capacity was compromised, but I didn't care. I'mstill recuperating and my voice is definitely different than it was, but I don't think it's worse..it's just...different.

BUT, on to my next hurdle. When I recently went to my checkup, they said because I got radiation to my thyroid, it's starting to fail. So they put me on meds. I didn't worry too much, but when I went to see the endocrinologist, he told me to go get an ultrasound of my thyroid "just in case." Turns out, I have nodes on my thyroid - a bunch of little ones on the left and a big one on the right. The big one could be cancerous. If I have nodes on my thyroid, it's highly possible that I have nodes on my vocal chords.

So the next step is to go get a biopsy. Here we go again...


If I do have nodes on my vocal chords, that means I need to take months possibly years off of singing. Cross your fingers.


C: Our fingers are crossed! Did you ever fear that your illness would affect your singing?


K: Yes, during treatment I kept wondering what my musical future would hold because everything was so up in the air. Now however, I feel that even if I couldn't sing classical music professionally, I have many other options. Before being diagnosed, I could not write music. I just couldn't. I would try to sit down and write a song and nothing would come out. And now I can.

And I am painting so much more now. And I write a lot. I feel like I could be happy doing many things. Music just needs to be IN my life, I certainly don't need to make money off of it. In fact, it's probably better if Idon't.

C: Do you write your own lyrics?

K: Yes I write my own lyrics. Writing songs is so much fun.

C: As a youngster, what did you want to be when you were "grown up"?


K: It's interesting because I was never that type of person that always wanted to do something and only that something. My mom used to hop around from job to job and I always used to think that that was so fun. My goal has always been, to do Everything at least once. Haha.


C: When you were going through chemo, what motivated you to stay strong through it all? Or do you even think you stayed strong?


K: During chemo and radiation, there is no choice. You just kind of have to brace yourself and get through it. And I feel like I wasn't that strong. I would let my mind get the better of me (the goddamn steroids make you think and think and think like a coke addict on vicodin.) But in the end, it all came down to my family and my friends, and how much of my life I HADN'T lived yet. I wasn't ready to go. And I felt I had so much to offer.

That is something you realize - how much you have to give. The year after treatment was the most productive I've ever been. Maybe because on some level I genuinely felt like I might not have that much time left.


C: For a person who enjoys her share of music venues, where would you suggest I go the next time I come to Boston?


K: I've been to the Boston Lyrics Opera twice since i've been here and they are phenomenal. For like, rock/live music venues, I recommend a bar called T.T. The Bears. It's great fun. For Jazz, I recommend a place called Wallys in Southy. They were one of the first jazz bars ever.C: Some of my teammates are cancer survivors. Do you think I can convince you one day to train and run in a marathon with me? :)


K: Like I said earlier, my lung capacity sucks. So I would LOVE to train. But I don't know how successful I'd be. But hey, why not. Let's do it.


C: Free style.

K: I think you are an amazing person, and I can't wait to see where YOU'RE going to go, in your career and in your passions. All of us with the same motivations need to come together and do something great.


Links:



http://www.kavitart.com/

http://www.myspace.com/kavitamusic

http://www.myspace.com/kavitart

http://www.uplifted-aph.org/